Christmas 2018

Christmas was a frustrating time for me this year.

I used to love all the preparations. I was a domestic goddess if I do say so myself.

I used to make mince pies and fudge for the neighbours. I used to make elaborate side dishes. I used to create fabulous desserts. I used to go to bed each night exhausted but content.

I'm sure you can see the problem here. I used to.

Before the MS took such a hold and made it difficult to stand for long periods in the kitchen. Before I had to go to bed exhausted for different but not contented reasons.

Before I started giving myself such a hard time.

This year was pre prepared vegetables part cooked and thrown in the freezer weeks before. This year was frozen roasties and parsnips. This year was ready made desserts.

And I know it doesn't really matter. To anyone but me. I know that nobody minded or even noticed. Except me. I still got compliments about the food.

I know that Christmas is a time when all the family get together and have a wonderful time whether I slogged my guts out for them or not. That is always the most enjoyable part of Christmas for me.

Yet I'm still so hard on myself. Because I had to be escorted around when my legs stopped working. I had to use my scooter to go to the toilet because I wouldn't have managed it otherwise.

Because I was so utterly exhausted I couldn't sleep Christmas night.

Is this my fault? NO. Is it highly frustrating? HELL YES! Do I want to be still walking everywhere and dashing around. Yes. Yes I do.

But it's not going to happen the way I want it to anymore is it.

Which is why I've decided to stop. Stop giving myself a hard time. My life has changed and I need to accept that.

So I am going to try my very best to stop focussing on what I can't do and start embracing the things I can do.

It's not going to be easy. And I may not always succeed. But anyone reading this waffle has my permission to kick me up the backside when I forget.

Not too hard though, as I fall over so easily 😎