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Not feeling it

Just not felt it this year.

Christmas.

Everything was done that needed to be done, that isn't an issue, as I have had a lot of help.

Which I am very grateful for.

My family are awesome.

But they shouldn't have to be. I'm such a burden.


Everything we do, everywhere we go, has to be planned around me.

Are there steps, is it near the toilets, are there open toilets, will it be accessible for my rollator or scooter, and on and on.


I'm sick of it, and I'm sure everybody else is too.

I pretty much failed last year's resolution, in that I was going to focus on what I could do instead of dwelling on what I could no longer do.


There are places that I can go that I know are ok so I feel comfortable going.

But there are places that I know are not good and I feel scared to go to.

Then there are places where I don't know what they're like and that gives me so much anxiety.

A friend has suggested I should go to the doctor about this.

But I'm fed up and run down because my body is useless, what is a doctor going to do? Give me a new body? Or give me pills that mask how useless my body is? Or make me talk to someone who will tell me my body isn't useless when I know it is.


Yes I'm feeling sorry for myself and I'm sure some people will tell me to pull myself together but I can't and won't switch off my emotions so I don't make people uncomfortable

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